I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
