he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
