I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Is it penis luge time yet?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
