I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Im part way to drunk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
