Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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