A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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