Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
