Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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