i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
