He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
