I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
