u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
