Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
