The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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