I am in a vortex of obligation.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
