I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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