There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He did a backflip because drugs
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
