K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
