in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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