we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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