Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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