am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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