So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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