I'm lost and stupid without you.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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