SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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