Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry mehhh hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.

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(325): View more from Texas

Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.

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(845): View more from New York

They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.

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(979): View more from Texas

Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.

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(713): View more from Texas

The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.

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