Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
