If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
