google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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