you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
