birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
