just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
