when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
