I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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