Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
