I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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