thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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