I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
