dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
