If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
