worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
