I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
