I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
