def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
