Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
