ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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