Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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