the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
