Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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