I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
