So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
