she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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