one two three fourrrrnication!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
