Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
