hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
